I need your fucking help!!

ramblings, writing

Hey folks,

As you may or may not know, that thing of genius I wrote a while back reaches its one year anniversary this month. Yay, eggs!

What you probably don’t know is that my publisher, Eraserhead Press, set a sales goal. If I don’t reach 200 paperback sales by November 1st, I’m fucked. They will kill me. And eat my body. And probably sell my brain to the Smithsonian or something. And keep the profits.

What can you do to save my life, my body, and my brain? That’s easy! Buy a copy of The Egg Said Nothing from Amazon.com this month. See? Simple.

“But Caris,” you say. “I already bought a copy of that goddamned thing.”

or

“But Caris,” you say. “Amazon is an evil monster and I don’t want to support them.”

Fuck that shit, I reply. Fuck it really bad. This is a piece of history we’re talking about. If you already have a copy, buy another one. A backup one. A gift. A library donation. Whatever. Don’t fucking bother me with particulars. Just buy one.

Because if you don’t, you may never hear another word form me again. And my ego says that would suck.

For you. Just to clarify.

Buy one. Or two. Or a multiple of two. Just don’t buy zero. I only need to sell 20 more copies.

Stay tuned for more updates.

Oh, yeah. I will stop the updates when I reach my twenty sales, if that encourages you to buy.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “I need your fucking help!!

  1. Hey, I was wondering if you still need any more sales. I don’t have too much money, so I was going to buy the Kindle edition but, if you’re still short I will definitely buy the print version. Let me know ASAP so I can get the order in before Nov. 1st. Thanks!

      1. Just ordered like less than five minutes ago! I hope this helps you, but I also hope this book doesn’t suck! Shit, I had to pay four bucks shipping and handling too! I’m just messing around (kinda); I already read the sample you sent out for the kindle edition, and it was very intriguing. I’m actually glad to have had the impetus like an impending deadline to save an author’s fucking life to order it, or else it woulda sat on my “wishlist” for five years. I WAY prefer paper and ink versions of everything, but sometimes price sways me to the kindle versions (especially of shorter stories). Anyway, I’m looking forward to getting a flesh and blood copy, and I wish you luck!

      2. Thanks for being awesome, Teresa! You’re a saint. Fifteen dollars is waaaaaay too much to pay for that thing. I’ll make it up to you, though: When I die, on my gravestone in tiny print at the bottom left, it will read “Sponsored in part by Teresa Pollack.” How’s that sound? I hope it’s good, ’cause I’ve already got the stone ordered.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s