I am Jack’s bloodshot eyes.

librarianship, ramblings

Hello, adoring public.

I’m tired. Very tired. I was going to tell my wife this, but she is asleep. So you are acting as my surrogate wife. Thank you, Internet.

I’ve been tired all week. It started with last week’s accumulated sleep debt (which I foolishly thought I could make up for by sleeping in Saturday morning). Which just kept accumulating until it was a part of this week’s sleep debt. And now the amount I’ve got stockpiled is making my student loans a little nervous about losing their title.

My biggest problem, I think, is my day-to-day schedule. I wake up around 7:15. I stumble into the shower and sleep there a while. Once I’m clean and dressed, I fill my coffee mug and stash it in my bag. From there, I hope on my bike and bolt it to work. This week’s been kind of nuts. My team is all messed up. There’s been a lot of changes and I’m waiting for two new people to start. In the meantime, I’m doing everything we normally do, which, unfortunately for me, includes a significant amount of action on this year’s summer reading program. As far as the program is concerned, it’s go time. We have to purchase reading incentives, book programmers, get artwork printed up, and train folks on the software. We’re doing this for just shy of fifty locations this year, so it’s more daunting than ever before. The program will be great, but there is some significant work required to get it there.

Throughout the day, I’ve been relying on Old Faithful, that thing that so many folks familiar with me might suggest I have a “problem” with. And they may be right. Especially since it doesn’t do anything for me anymore. At first, it was giving me an edge, allowing me to think clearly and get stuff done. After a few days, it cut back to just allowing me to function normally. Now it’s like I’m drinking a special dehydrating water. I finally stopped today, because, at some point, I just have to realize that I’m just throwing money away. The chemicals present in the beverage, I fear, have taken up residence in my body. Most likely in the area of my brain responsible for decision making. They tell me I want to buy more.

When work is done, I bolt it home (Have I said yet that more and more cars seem to be trying to kill me? Because they are.) After I get home, I do the daddy thing, which, really, is the best part of my day. I make dinner, give the kid a bath, and put her to bed. This cycle usually completes itself around ten. After that, I do school work. Or Emerging Leader research. One of the two. I usually hit the bed around twelve or one, then spend some time reading to unwind. I get up in the middle of the night when the kid wakes up. Sometimes my wife does this, but I always wake up regardless. It disrupts my sleep. Then I wake up at seven and do it all again.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not really complaining. Well, maybe a bit. But here’s the thing. Here’s why it’s interesting.

Today, I’ve started experiencing visual and auditory hallucinations. I’m seeing things move where there are no things. I’m hearing cars pull into the driveway. I’m seeing flashes of light. I’m hearing odd sounds. No one else seems to be noticing these things. It’s quite surreal.

It reminds me of an experiment I underwent when I was in high school. One summer, I decided to go without eating or sleeping for a few days. I can hardly remember the experience now, but the hallucinations that started to happen (much more subtle than what I’ve experienced today) really jump out at me. I remember the ground sort of rippling when I stared at it. That was when I decided to get a snack and go to bed. I have that same urge now, but this hopeless vanity calls out to me. That and my homework, which I still have to do some more of. Henry V. Shakespeare. I kind of love the play, so it’s not too much of a chore. But I need to sleep for days. Sleep for days.


4 thoughts on “I am Jack’s bloodshot eyes.

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