HANS VON STREPPLE rides again

ramblings

So I learned yesterday that eBay has decided to ban the sale of metaphysical shit on its site. That means that you can no longer purchase hexes or demonic Christmas genies for $37 plus free shipping. Which is a shame, really.

Pictured: HANS VON STREPPLE

As you might expect, this action is being opposed by eBay’s charlatans. These kind folks have started a petition in order to convince eBay of the inherent wrongness of their actions.

Ordinarily, this nonsense would elicit but a chuckle from me as I clicked on to the next bit of news. However, if you’ll recall, I had some dealings with the metaphysical eBay community back in March when I was attempting to buy some creepy haunted dolls for my mom’s birthday. In my searching, I came across a Djinn-haunted crucifix (à la Wishmaster 4) that resulted in some dealings with one HANS VON STREPPLE.

Just out of curiosity, I visited the petition and searched through the names for Mr. HANS VON STREPPLE in order to see what he had to say about the whole business. And there he was, signer 390:

It’s utterly ridiculous that the centuries old attack on the pagan community and those whose work and livelihoods depend on the sale of metaphysical items should be happening once again. One would have thought the witch hunts of yesterday were dead and finished, clearly they are not, and so the suggestion of Ebay banning sales related to craft practitioners, spirit infusers, psychic readers, spell casters and reiki healers is ridiculous. A ban such as the one proposed by Ebay will not harm the Craft. It will make it stronger. But it will harm the price of shares in Ebay because consumer confidence will be affected in a company that is seen to be publicly vilifying and outlawing one sector of the community – the metaphysical community. And that, surely, is a human rights issue and NOT just a commercial or legal issue for Ebay to consider – NOW !

I think eBay should listen closely to HANS VON STREPPLE. Banning these items will only make “the Craft stronger.” Which is good for everyone, no?

On the other hand, not every eWitch shares HANS VON STREPPLE’s foresight. If eBay doesn’t change its attitudes and policies, the Internet may soon be haunted by djinns and spirits and whatnot. It’ll be just like public bittorrenting, and nobody wants that. I hope the online auction behemoth changes its big intangible mind, as there’s really no other place to buy curses wholesale. At least not anywhere that accepts PayPal.

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6 thoughts on “HANS VON STREPPLE rides again

  1. How in the hell did you get his picture? I can almost understand Von Strepple’s reasoning except for the ‘human rights issue’. Where does this come into play with sales of trinkets?

  2. Full disclosure: that’s a picture from a terrible horror movie I watched yesterday.

    HANS VON STREPLE is a bonafide nutcase. He claims his haunted trinkets are of some religious/spiritual significance. Thes efolks are crying discrimination because their easiest means of fraud is being taken away from them.

    1. The man’s name is Mark Clifford Biron. The chick is his wife Sharon. Mark Biron is a sociopath from Island Pond, Vermont, where he was the laughing stock of the little weirdo village. Believe it or not he still has a website with this crap open and also a profile on fb. They need to lock them up and ban them from using prison computers otherwise they will be popping up like smelly mushrooms on the bottom of the forrest again and again.

      1. Ha. Yes, they do seem to have a varied Internet presence. It’s a shame that folks don’t search them out until after they have a bad experience. I think, at this point, the warnings against doing business with HANS VON STREPPLE outnumber the duo’s hokey websites.

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