I grew to hate my pants.


A few months back, I bought two pairs of pants from the Gap. One (pictured) was the classic slim fit khaki; the other was the tailored slim fit khaki. Immediately, the latter was the clear winner. It provided, as the name suggested, a more tailored look and a better silhouette.

The classic fit khakis started to bother me recently. In spite of the “slim fit” label, they were clearly designed to resemble burlap sacks. There is a certain charm to wearing reclaimed materials, but that charm isn’t necessarily aesthetic. Yesterday, I caught a glimpse of the billowy ass of said pants and was driven to a deep, deep depression.

It was because of this that I allowed myself to be struck by a vehicle on my way home from work. While it resulted in a moderate amount of pain and discomfort, I was able to walk away from the accident with ruined pants. Holes, stains, blood- you name it. My bike made it through mostly unscathed and there was nothing done to my body that a little percocet can’t fix. But those pants? Those pants are fucked.

And good riddance. Life is too short to wear poorly-fitting pants. Shame on you Gap. Please send me a pair of your slim fit tailoreds by way of compensation for my troubles.


4 thoughts on “I grew to hate my pants.

  1. UMM…couldn’t get past the whole HIT BY A CAR part. What they heck! Hope you are mending well. stupid pants. (Homer Simpson voice implied)

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