All across the United States, kids are putting oxycodone in their butts.

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As result of being hit by a car, I found myself in the possession of some narcotics. Because getting hit by a car hurts.

The problem I’m experiencing, and the reason why I am clean today, is nausea. For the past two days, the percocet has left me dizzy and nauseous, as if I’d spent a few hours reading a bizarro novel on a bus. Today, I decided to give them a break and let the fog clear out. I feel hung over. And my body hurts.

I decided to do a little googling in order to seek out a solution to my problem. Immediately, I saw what I expected to find: advice to take the pills with food and lie down afterward. Boring, eh? Lame ass pharmacy websites. Sorting through the search results for a while took me to a number of individuals seeking advice on http://www.drugs-forum.com, a recreational drug forum.

Among other things, these crazy kids advocate grinding up the pills, dissolving the powder into water and shooting it up the keister. They insist it eliminates the nausea, increases the potency of the drug, and sets the effects in motion more quickly. Of course, I won’t be indulging in these recommendations this evening, as I have a functioning brain (perhaps because I’m not already jacked on pain meds) that tells me a side effect is a side effect no matter how you get it in your body. Orally or anally, that stuff is still going to mess with your head. Anyone know different? They also suggested smoking marijuana before taking the pills, but my doctor didn’t think to give me any. I have a call in.

Even though that forum proved to be functionally useless, it did fill my heart with joy. Opiate enemas make the free world go ’round.

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