Camp Christmas: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

movie reviews

Santa_martiansSanta Claus Conquers the Martians, dear friends, is one of the worst movies you will ever see. A concerned Martian father, advised by a Yoda-like old feller in a cave, decides that the children of Mars spend too little time having fun. Being that his own children are enamored by the Santa Claus they see on TV, he decides to kidnap the big guy (Nightmare Before Christmas-style) and bring him to Mars. He, apparently, did not see that scene in Total Recall where a human is exposed to the Martian atmosphere.

The acting is as serious as a prostate exam. The costumes are a cross between third grade school play and the Goodwill electronics section. The plot is simultaneously completely implausible and boring. My thanks go out to David at Obscene Chewing for sending me the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode of this cinematic mistake. Even Gypsy and Crow were hard-pressed to make this garbage entertaining.

I recommend booze, friends, and cocaine.

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