October 18: Double Feature Friday (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer & Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies)

movie reviews

When I first saw the trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, I let out an audible groan. I couldn’t, however, discern whether that was a groan of pleasure or disgust. I’d seen the book, but skipped over it because it looked, well, stupid. But as a movie? A blockbuster B movie? That might work.

The story follows a young Abe Lincoln as he hunts down the vampire that killed his mother. He’s like Buffy, only old timey and a dude. The beauty of the movie is that the title encapsulates it well. There’s a fun alternate history, where slavery is a cover for a vampiric blood trade. The critics hated it (and so did all of my acquaintances). But I blame that more on the marketing. When you’ve got some experience with this sort of thing, you know what to expect. Just go in assuming it’s going to be terrible and you’ll be pleasantly surprised. At the very least, it has some decent actors and production quality.

Surprisingly, so did Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies. I love the idea of mockbusters. When I used to see them in the video store, I’d always pause. I love the idea of taking a big movie and quickly making another that’s just like it. It’s like a filmmaking challenge. And mockbusters keep getting better (Paranormal Entity, for example, was better in several parts than the film it ripped off).

In this film, Abe is one you know and love, only he’s got experience dispatching the undead. The Confederates have employed some otherworldly mumbo jumbo and got themselves some zombies. These hoards of the dead are virtually unstoppable and threaten to cost the Union the Civil War. Lincoln pulls out his scythe and personally infiltrates enemy territory to show them all who’s in charge.

These movies are pure cheese. No better way to spend a Friday if you ask me.


My 2010 Top Ten Halloween Movie List


1. Evil Dead II

The quintessential Halloween movie. It’s got everything: possessed hands, chainsaws, gallons and gallons of blood. Evil Dead II is a masterpiece of horror comedy.

2. Trick ‘r Treat

It’s creepy as hell. So many dead kids…

3. Pumpkinhead

If you’re going to kill a man’s son, make sure you do it in a town without a pumpkin patch.

4. Hellraiser

Celebrate your hedonism! Celebrate it!

5. Dead Alive

Stop motion rat monkeys and the single greatest zombie death scene in the history of the world.

6. Slither

A new classic. You’ll never take a bath again.

7. Dawn of the Dead

This remake of Romero’s classic is creepy and fun. Influenced zombie growls like no other movie in recent history.

8. Let the Right One In

The only reason this isn’t higher up on the list is because it makes me feel cold. It is scary as hell and so well done, you won’t believe it’s a horror movie. The new American version can suck it.

9. Orphan

You might see it coming, but you still won’t be prepared.

10. The Lost Boys

Halloween ain’t Halloween without a little camp. And the Frog brothers.